CAPS

           Friendship Overseas 

             One of the most prominent intercultural relationships in my life is with my good friend Zoë. My relationship with Zoe is especially unique sine we only see each other once a year for work. Zoë is about 4 years older than me but we connect on different levels such as school, family, work, and social interests. Although we only see each other once a year we try to stay in contact through Facebook and email. A benefit of our relationship is that when we get together it feels as if we were never apart. We have so much fun and we get along so well that the friendship remains strong throughout the year when we are apart. A challenge of our friendship is that we do not always stay in contact.  We may go months without speaking and we miss out on events that have happened in each of our lives. Not speaking on a regular basis can put a strain on the relationship but it also can be looked at positively. Through not speaking we have so much to catch up on when we get together which leads to amazing times and unforgettable memories.

            According to Martin and Nakayama benefits of intercultural relationships are acquiring new knowledge about the world, breaking stereotypes, and acquiring new skills (2013). Zoë opened my eyes to the world that was previously unknown to me. I have learned about little nuances that are different in America that I passed day to day never realizing that it could be different. One particular time I remember we were entering in data for our job and she had no idea what the abbreviations of the states meant. I had to explain that each state had two unique letters that stood for the state.  I have never been out of the country so Zoë tells me of all the things that are different between the countries. She also had to learn several languages to accommodate other people where Americans typically learn one or two. I also had this stereotypical picture of how her country was and how people acted. I am slowly learning that although the countries are very different, we actually have a lot in common. Zoë is understanding of the things I am not aware of and when I mistakenly refer to something stereotypical she corrects me and teaches me the proper term. I am humbled by the amazing things I have learned about the culture from just one person.  I would like to learn more of the Belgian language but our relationship is so relaxed I have only learned a select few phrases. She learns new things about America every day she is here. It’s something quite magnificent to see the wander in her eyes when she is taught something about America she never knew. One of my favorite things is to bring her new foods and just watch her experience something she has never had in her culture. We plan on meeting this summer in Belgium so I can better understand her culture and experience some of the amazement she has.

            Although Zoë speaks English very fluently she does not have a complete grasp on the language. Language barriers are one of the challenges in intercultural relationships along with cultural differences in communication style, values, and perceptions (Martin and Nakayama 2013). When Zoë and I speak we can go on and on but occasionally I forget that English is not her first language and I will say a phrase like “don’t worry, we will get you all set up and you will be good to go” and Zoë won’t understand what it means. Often it is because the literal translation doesn’t make any sense to her or they use different phrases in her country.  Zoë and I have never run into a challenge that we couldn’t overcome. The first time we met we were good friends within a few days. We quickly got over the initial awkwardness of cross-culture communication and never looked back. Now I forget that she is even rom a different culture because we are so much alike. At times I don’t even notice that she is speaking with an accent. Becoming close to Zoë was an easier task than becoming friends with people who share the same American culture as me.

            My relationship with Zoë fits in with Baxter’s Dialectal Approach because there are many things that we share but there are also things that are quite opposite. For example, our relationship falls into one Differences-Similarities Dialect which explains that we tend to be attracted to people that we believe to be similar to ourselves but who are somewhat different from us (Martin & Nakayama 2013).  Like I stated before Zoë and I have many similar interests such as books, movies, personality traits, etc.  We also have differences like age, language, location, etc. These similarities and differences create a balance of predictability and novelty that make our relationship successful (Martin & Nakayama 2013). Another dialect that this relationship fits into is the Privilege-Disadvantage aspect which explains that two people share similar and different privileges and disadvantages (Martin & Nakayama 2013). Zoë and I have different privileges and disadvantages that make for interesting conversation but don’t really affect how we view each other. We like to discuss how lucky we are to have an amazing job together which is an advantage that we share but Zoë is graduated which is an advantage that we don’t share. Another important aspect of our intercultural relationship is the History/Past-Present/Future Dialect that explains that relationships are constantly in flux (Martin and Nakayama 2013). This is especially true for Zoë and I since we rarely see each other. After each of us returns home from our week on the job our communication generally drops off for a while. It may pick up after a few months and we will talk briefly, but it eventually tapers off again. Although this communication style seems as if it would hurt a relationship, it really doesn’t affect us. As soon as we see each other we get past all of the intercultural barriers and we just realize that we only see each other once a year. Intercultural relationships are complicated but they are helpful in broadening one’s view of the world and obtaining new and important skills. 

References

Martin, J. N., & Nakayama, T. K. (2013). Intercultural communication in context. (6th ed.). New             York, NY: McGraw-Hill.