CAPS Blog #6

            One of my best friends is named Desmond. He was one of the first people to take me under their wing in my first semester of college life. Desmond was 22 and held a junior standing in college, I was 18 and a freshman at the time. Desmond was Muslim, I was Catholic. Desmond was a multimillionaire who owned his own company back in Malaysia; I was from a middle class Nebraska family. In terms of race and ethnicity Desmond was an Asian and ethnically Malay; I was Caucasian and ethnically generic. He was an international student, I was a Nebraska kid paying in-state tuition.

            Despite all of these differences we became very good friends in a relatively short period of time. We would talk about soccer, family, life, religion, whatever. He was charismatic, outgoing, and full of life; I was an introvert who would much rather be alone then go out and meet people. To tell the truth I was a little bit prejudiced towards international students coming into college, Desmond changed that in a heartbeat. I learned a lot from Desmond last year. He taught me things about overcoming obstacles, being sociable, and going about things with a more direct manner. He was a genius that was only here for the “social experience;” to get a degree just to have it. I benefitted so much from being friends with Desmond, and although he seemed to practically have it all and knew it all, I’d like to think he benefitted as well.

Nebraska and Malaysia are literally
on opposite sides of the world.

            Last spring Desmond’s company was undergoing some financial troubles. In order to save his fortune and his business he went back to Malaysia at the end of the spring semester. He let us all know he was not going to be back for quite some time. Ever since then we have maintained contact even though we are tens of thousands of miles apart, kind of like Manti Te’o and his girlfriend, except Desmond is real. We talk on Facebook most frequently, we Skype every now and then, but it is not the same. Maybe one day he will come back and that would be great but until then we’ll just keep dealing with the challenges that come with an intercultural relationship of this nature.

            The Personal-Contextual dialectic discusses how in every intercultural relationship, there are some aspects that are personal, the same from situation to situation; but there are others that are contextual, they change depending on the setting/circumstances (Martin & Nakayama, 2013, p.397). In my relationship with Desmond we would always joke around a lot and that would remain the same in every situation. However, the times I would bring him back to Omaha with me over breaks I found myself acting as an interpreter, or maybe more of an adjuster, fixing situations so that he would be able to mesh in easily. Even though I would do this in settings with my friends and extended family, we would still keep a jovial relationship on an individual basis.

            The Privilege-Disadvantage dialectic describes how we must alter our communication style when someone is either privileged or disadvantaged; either in life, in origin, or in a particular setting because of some factor (Martin & Nakayama, 2013, p. 399). Desmond and I shared many similarities, but a big difference was background/upbringing. He grew up disadvantaged in the major metropolis of Kuala Lumpur; I grew up dealing with little to no hardship in suburban Omaha. Eventually Desmond grew into a wealthy, successful businessman and I remained the same. Keep in mind that Desmond still held memories of his childhood; so topics such as the economy, poverty, and disadvantaged youth were touchy subjects between him and I. I was often more sympathetic whereas he took a more hardline approach, saying that you are what you make yourself into. Desmond was both privileged and disadvantaged, just at different points in his life, I was privileged throughout.

            The Static-Dynamic dialectic is meant to illustrate how relationships, especially those that are intercultural, change and adapt over time based on where people are at in their lives (Martin & Nakayama, 2013, p. 400). When I started college I was a freshman with lots to learn and Desmond was a fountain of knowledge. But overtime I became more and more confident and knowledgeable in myself. As this change occurred Desmond became less of a revered figure in my eyes and more of just a good friend. We still enjoyed talking about soccer, life, and the world, but now it was more as if we were equals, on the same level. The relationship dynamic changed but overall it remained the same. 

Works Cited:

Martin, J.N., & Nakayama, T.K. (2013). Intercultural Communication in Contexts (6th ed.) New York, NY: McGraw Hill.

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